the candid files

What a day….So I get to school. My teacher isn’t there, which is no biggie, she usually slides in just under the wire. We wait around for a while, then decide to just start teaching ourselves. Well, I taught, because I was the only one who had my book with me. After we’d gone through everything I could think of on Telephone Service, Jim came in and gave us a free lesson on Customer Service for a while. The school director came in a few times and apologized because it was really weird that Linda hadn’t called or anything, she couldn’t get ahold of her. We were getting a little worried, but finally decided to move to a classroom with computers. We all get settled and then Janet (the campus director) comes in and closes the door behind her. Immediately I thought, ok, this is bad. Then she opens with “I have some very bad news.” Immediately THEN, I thought, “Uhoh…Linda’s dead.”

But no, as it turns out, she’s only resigned. Without any notice. And she took our final terminology exams with her. She’d already posted our final marks, which doesn’t provide a breakdown, and we’re pretty sure she’s taken the whole 5% of professionalism marks off our finals…out of spite? who knows.

So….I have no school tomorrow. Janet’s managed to find a temp for the next three weeks, which is all we had left with Linda anyway. Hopefully she’s a little less crazy?

What a day. I think it’s gonna be “That Time Of The Month” soon too. This week better pick up, or I’m going to be seriously depressed.

Have a good one…
Candice

Today, my firm resolve is to not wear a coat. Hah, take that, winter.

Ever have the feeling that relationships suck? For instance, I thought having a few people spend a lot of time together would sort of just make a relationship happen…
Well, it doesn’t always work that way. I guess even the less intense relationships require work. I just wish my parents were not of the clan of People Who Expect Perfection And Expect It To Come To Them.

SIGH.

Oh well, it’s going to be NICE today!! I’m excited.

So the last few months I’ve discovered something about God. It’s not new, or anything…the Bible has talked about the Church as “His Bride” for, well, ever. But the awesomeness (forgive the horrible English) of that truth is starting to hit home. Partly because of some books I’ve read, and partly because I’ve seen it in my own life, I am really starting to see that this relationship we have with God as Christians is one of romance.
Yes, I meant that…how does the typical romance go? The hero is overcome with love for the heroine. The heroine does not share his feelings…rushes off…sometimes for years, they suffer apart. Somehow, however, the heroine gets herself into trouble, and then the hero, who has been pining after her for however long the duration there was, shows up, rescues her, makes her fall desperately in love with him, and they live happily ever after.
Well…at least that’s how the books go. They got that plot from none other than our God, whose heart is the very epicenter of romance. Why on earth he pines after us, I’ll never know. But this love is more than “as a Father pities His children” – it’s passionate, like the heart of a man who will die for his beloved.
So then I was thinking, there’s more to this. Once the hero wins the fair lady, the books say they live happily ever after. But how? No matter how much you love each other, you get mad, you disappoint, you blatantly set out to annoy…at least I do. And so the idea of “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church” is meaning a lot more to me lately. And the image of a courting couple is one of intense beauty. He forgives us over and over and over again. Taking us back because he LOVES us. Nothing we do or say or feel or think deserves the love he has for us, but time and time again it is that love that saves us from our own miserable turning away.

I can’t describe what I’m trying to say. I only know that I am tired of watching this pretentious dinosaur that we call dating. Sin is in the way of the most incredible experience we humans can know…the closest thing we have to emulating the actions and motivations of our Lord and Saviour when He died on the cross…for us.
A lot of people seem to think that my boyfriend is kind of an enigma…something to be laughed at. Why? Because he loves me openly, joyfully, with wild abandon. Guys, there is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. I wish I had the guts to love Peter like he actively loves me. It’s not so much romance and roses, although those seemingly pointless things are vital as well. It’s the sacrifices. Driving anywhere because she needs a ride. Anticipating that she’s cold (well, I’m always cold) and getting her a sweater or a blanket or whatever before she even asks. Opening doors, even though she’s perfectly capable herself. And all those sweet nothings that you whisper that don’t really mean much – WELL, THEY DO. Just think what God has done for us - and this is a challenge to the men of my generation – you have an opportunity to love your girlfriends/wives with that same love.

Zephaniah 3:17 – The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.

Song of Solomon 8: 6-7
The Shulamite to Her Beloved:
Set me as a seal upon your heart,
As a seal upon your arm;
For love is as strong as death,
Jealousy as cruel as the grave;
Its flames are flames of fire,
A most vehement flame. (Literally, “A Flame of Yah, the LORD”)
Many waters cannot quench love,
Nor can the floods drown it.
If a man would give for love
All the wealth of his house,
It would be utterly despised.

It’s not for nothing that Charles Wesley referred to Jesus as the Lover of our Souls. And when I think on that, I can only stand in awe.

I really want to get away from winter. I have spent a good hour just looking over vacation packages on websites like Expedia.ca and Sunwing Vacations…I feel like I’m slowly dying without sunlight. Do you remember what the hot sun beating on your back feels like? Yesterday was beautiful, in a Canadian way. Still cold, but not the sort of cold where you have to do the last minute gear check before you push through the glass doors into concrete and ice. You know, the “How-with-this-limited-amount-of-thick-wool-can-I-cover-all-my-pale-white-sun-forsaken-skin” kind of gear check.

Hamilton is extremely depressing in the winter. All manner of destitute lives, all going somewhere…a disturbing amount towards the unemployment office or to stand on the street corner, buffeted by the very teeth of the wind, and not allow you to pass until they’ve asked if you have spare change. The gray snow retreats into the gutters and collects the garbage we shed like dirty clothes…cigarette butts, coffee cups, wrappers, food that someone dropped.

I pass them all, greatly relieved when the big glass doors swing shut behind me and I stand in the dark lobby, next to the bank, and enter the welcoming, safe interior of the elevator. Sometimes I wish I’d smiled at a few more strangers. Sometimes I’m glad I didn’t make eye contact. Always I wish people knew what they were missing.

Love: driving an hour and a half to spend fifteen minutes with that one human being.

Love: buying him that odd, boring looking tool-thing, even though you feel his birthday or Christmas or whatever deserves something so much more exciting. Like chocolate, which he can share.

Love: holding the car door for her, even though you both think it’s sort of pointless, because the door really isn’t that heavy.

Love: being irrationally distressed at the very idea of an extra hour apart.

Love: preferring boredom together over excitement apart.

Love: instantly deciding he must be dead on the side of the road as soon as he’s one minute late. And of course, then being devastated.

Love: driving two hours to get her wallet.

Love: leaving the house at eleven pm and driving alone to sit with him in the emergency room for four hours.

Love: enduring the auto show.

Love: enduring every new rule that pops up from her parents. And smiling at them still.

Love: gasping for breath after laughing entirely too hard at something he did that wasn’t even really funny.

Love: dancing, even though you both have no grace or rhythm.

Love: mentally dedicating every love song on the radio to him.

Love: arranging your schedule around a phone call.

Love: 78 minutes, long-distance, when you saw each other two days ago.

Love: the ability to play ping-pong with her when the ball seldom pings, and almost never pongs…

Love: putting homework second.

Love: making yourself make them put homework first.

Love: being the last one to get mad, and the first to say sorry.

“It’s called local because it’s closer than the place that’s farther away.” – Peter

…truly great.

To Peter:

I want to die while you love me
While yet you hold me fair;
While laughter lies upon my lips
And lights are in my hair.

I want to die while you love me,
And bear to that still bed
Your kisses turbulent, unspent,
To warm me when I’m dead

I want to die while you love me;
Oh, who would care to live
Till love has nothing more to ask
And nothing left to give?

I want to die while you love me
And never, never see
The glory of this perfect day
Grow dim or cease to be.

-Georgia Douglas Johnson

(I wish I had written that)

Thanks Peter, for “fixing” me. It’s a good thing we have people to fix us….or we’d always be broken. And for the record, he didn’t eat any of my poisonous cookies.
Last night at girl’s Bible study the six of us spent about an hour and a half in prayer. We took one person at a time and we all prayed for her. It was good. I don’t know…for some reason I didn’t get that emotional. I felt refreshed still…but I tend to judge the power of my spiritual encounters by the number of tears I shed. Is that wrong? Maybe I get too caught up in the emotion of it. But I believe it comes from a sincere desire to FEEL God’s presence, and how can that be wrong?

Right now I’m reading “Stepping Heavenward” by Elizabeth Prentiss. It’s about a young woman, and her everyday struggles with being good, with glorifying God in her everyday life. It’s a true story, actually a diary. But it’s strange for me to read it. Since it’s set in the mid 18oo’s they were SO prim and proper. Sometimes it seems the things she continually strives against doing seem so…innocent to me. The kinds of things I do everyday and almost think of as good! At least, certainly not sinful. I read the book and it’s both encouraging and discouraging: discouraging because it seems like the sin in my life is so much worse that this girl would probably have a heart attack upon hearing the half of it. But it’s encouraging, in that it pushes me to want to glorify God in the tiniest little things…the things I can’t even imagine concentrating on because of so many more serious problems. Maybe I should work on the small things first, like being soft-spoken. I’ve always wanted to be more gentle. Maybe once I become a mother that will be more natural. I hope so.

Anyway, after the absolutely gross weather we had yesterday, the day has become bright and sunny and the sky is very blue. Enjoy it!

Candice

I’m a mess today. Mentally, I mean.

I can’t shake this pissed-off emotion. Everyone annoys me, but mostly I’m just mad at Peter.

(No, it’s not PMS.)

Case in point: I baked peanut butter cookies for young peoples tonight.

I can’t even really put my finger on WHY I’m mad…I think it’s just one of those “Men Are So Dumb!” things.

I can be scatterbrained…I can waste time and money…of course, I’m human! But sometimes I think certain people don’t even THINK….they don’t THINK!!!….I’m actually going around muttering things like “…stupid…why….think…simple concept!!…can’t BELIEVE this…argh…”

Oh well. I’ll get over it. And I won’t have to share the cookies. And as Justine says, it’s a beautiful day!! I went for a walk. Sort of got attacked by the fat crippled dog across the street. But Chinook protected me. (yeah right…more like decided to play tug of war with the leash, to show off)

dogs….