the candid files

The form of the raindrop
A tear from Your eye
So perfectly fashioned
Soaks wet in my dry

Each drop from the heavens
Is formed in Your mind
So why should I fear
That my life is not rhymed?

You fashioned my inmost
You’ve calmed every sea
There is no denying
That Your eye watches me.

You see me, You know me
You watch as I go
Your hedges surround me -
The rain ought to know.

cv april 25/05

…and First Aid. I can bandage and splint you up, perform the Heimlich on anyone, any size, I can “assist” you administer your Epipen…

In short, I am a good one to have around.

But now I haven’t got much to do the rest of the week. I think I’m going to get started on my decorations for VBS. That’ll require a trip to Home Hardware. Anyone know where I can find jungle vines for cheap? And I’ll need the projector from church, a ton of paint, a jigsaw…and a photocopier. Sigh…this is going to take some work. I think I’ll need to make a mural and find some dressup clothes for kids to get their picture taken with.

Well I think right now I’m going to go read or something equally easy.

Well ok. I guess I have too much time on my hands…this is what, the fourth time this week I’ve posted?

Fresh air does wonders for the soul. And this weekend is going to be great, despite everything. I’m going out for coffee with Sarah tomorrow morning, and then I have a final exam and our class is going to Easterbrooks for hot dogs…yum! And then Tammy and I are going to that annual meeting in Brantford. Show support for the pastor and all that.

And then work…blegh…

But then the whole afternoon is free-ish, with young peoples to finish it off.

Sunday is always good. And Aunt Carolin’s having all us old cousins over for supper…so that’s gonna be kind of fun.

So what am I complaining about? My life is good.

(maybe a few less than 50…this is a family friendly blog)

1. “If my heart were a baked potato, I’d serve it to you with extra butter and sour cream.”

2. “Your terrible personality isn’t so terrible after a few drinks and even when I sober up, it’s not as terrible as everyone says.”

3. “I’d shave my entire body with a dull, rusty razor blade and take a vinegar bath for you.”

4. “I am rubber, you are glue, any feelings you have for me bounce off and stick to you. Ironically, I feel the same way.”

5. “The other day I saw this little girl day drop her whole ice cream cone on the ground and start bawling. After I stopped laughing, I thought, “I’m the same way when you don’t call when you say you will.”

6. “I saw you in the morning, on the toilet, and I didn’t run screaming. So there.”

7. “Hug me. If you let go — you lose.”

8. “Umm… like… you and me? Yeah. You and me.”

9. “You are to me what an eye patch and parrot is to a pirate.”

10. “You are the hole in my donut.”

11. “I am the pork, you are the beans.”

12. “You make me want to vomit little chocolate hearts.”

13. “You are my personal parachute.”

14. “If you were a margarita, I’d drink you by the bucket.”

15. “I really like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like you.”

16. “If I had my junior high dance to do all over again, I’d lean against the far wall, stare at you, and hate myself for not asking you if you liked the punch.”

17. “I don’t love you. I merely enjoy tolerating your existence immensely.”

19. “You had me at ‘Stop following me’.”

20. “Your farts smell like vanilla.”

21. “We’re a two person chain gang.”

22. ““I am valedictorian of the University of You.”

23. “If you needed a kidney transplant, I’d also throw in a bonus lung.”

24. “The wet, fatty ball of muscle and sinew that pumps my thick, steaming blood to all of my internal organs starts to beat irregularly when you come into my line of sight.”

25. “You are to me what Oprah is to mediocre self-help gurus.”

26. “While you’re in the shower, I collect your skin flakes from the sheets and now I carry them around in this little napkin I keep tied around my neck.”

27. “You suck! So good.” (I’m choosing to believe that’s not dirty)

28. “If you were frozen in Carbonite and taken by bounty hunters, I’d gladly disguise myself, infiltrate a fortress of intergalactic gangsters, threaten them with a thermal detonator, and defrost you myself.”

29. “When I was a kid I was kind of stupid and I thought it would be fun if I stuck a fork in the wall socket and obviously I was thrown across the room. Well, that shock that made my teeth chatter and my hair fall out? That’s like you.”

30. “We are totally codependent and I don’t want it any other way.”

31. “This is the “happily ever after” part of the damn fairy tale, dig?”

33. “I’m not saying we shouldn’t see other people. I’m just saying I’ll chase whoever you see out of town with a nail-studded baseball bat.”

34. “I am your blank check. Don’t bounce me.”

35. “Shut your piehole! Okay — now kiss me with that beautiful piehole.”

36. “If you were in a horrible accident and they put your head in a saline solution-filled fish tank, I’d feed you, change your water, and carry you on my back everyday until they built you a kick-ass robot body.”

37. “If given the choice between playing roundball like Michael Jordan or raising rugrats with you in a trailer park then I’d be the first to stand in line to buy diapers.”

39. “If I was smart, I’d follow you around like a puppy and never, ever crap in the corner.”

40. “Not only would I carry you out of the factory and drive away you away on my sweet chopper… I’d also buy you a beer and a basket of fries.”

41. I wrote you a poem: “You walk in beauty like the night/ which means you’re the hottest babe in sight/Come home with me so I don’t get in a fight/I agree with what you said: you are always right.”

42. “I’m a grown up and just face the facts that you’re my security blanket.”

43. “You don’t know it, but right here, right now, is the point in the musical montage part of the movie. Let’s split a pretzel and go for a walk on the footbridge.”

45.“Look: you’re the only one allowed in my bunker. So go get some batteries while I clean my shotgun.”

46. “I’m a junky for your instant messages.”

47. “I had the weirdest dream last night: I was waking up just as dawn was breaking, but instead of the sun rising on the horizon, it was your glowing face. You were smiling and glowing and it felt to good. Isn’t that just strange? I have NO idea what that means. Pass the ketchup.”

49. “I’d smoke five packs of you everyday and welcome each and every eventual tumor.”

50. “Let’s set aside cool, ironic detachment for just a moment, shall we? I love you. Wow… wasn’t that just like lame movie Reality Bites? You’ve never seen it? It’s awesome… in a totally stupid way.

I’m in a depressing holding pattern, I think.
I’m just not feeling very…good. And the most awful thing is, I feel like if I just set my mind to it I can break out and enjoy the monotony of school and family, with a day or two of work here and there, and just possibly a peaceful evening with Peter if I’m really lucky…it’s probably mental. But I just feel down in the dumps. I can’t even tell my family that I miss Peter – I mean, I can, but most of them just laugh at me except for Brittni, who tells me I’m dumb.

I’m trying to do better. Five schooldays in a row now, I’ve gone for a quick run when I get home. That helps me feel better. And I’m spending a lot of time in the same house with the parents and siblings and not wanting to bite their heads off, so that’s good too.

But on Saturday I heard some news that really finalized my disillusionment with all mankind. There’s drama everywhere lately. Except with my life.

One of my school friends told me yesterday that I was one of the most refreshing people she’s ever met. Which was a great compliment – and a nice way of saying that I’m very sheltered.

I just want to bust out of here.

So…I was singing this song in chuch yesterday. And I just realized that even though it’s really old-fashioned and isn’t a real “You-me” kind of song to sing to God, I absolutely LOVE it. I think it has something to do with how it makes me feel as a Christian…as part of a larger whole, the body of Christ, if you will. I sometimes feel so blessed to be part of a church, enfolded in the safe, loving arms of God. This hymn makes me feel so….on the inside. That sounds so closed in and Reformed…but there’s major blessings there too. And it’s no small detail to me that the name of my church is “Zion”.

Within Thy temple, Lord,
In that most holy place,
We on Thy lovingkindness dwell,
The wonders of Thy grace.
Men sing Thy praise, O God,
Where’er Thy Name is known;
By every deed Thy hand has wrought
Thy righteousness is shown.

Let Zion now rejoice,
And all her children sing;
Let them with thankfulness proclaim
The judgements of their King.
Mount Zion’s walls behold,
About her ramparts go,
And number ye the lofty towers
That guard her from the foe.

Observe her palaces,
Mark her defenses well,
That to the sons that follow you
Her glories you may tell;
For God as our own God
Forever will abide,
And till life’s journey close in death
Will be our faithful Guide.

I hate these weeks

I’m just too far
from where you are….

(kind of a dumb song…)
Tomorrow’s day number 6.

I miss you.