the candid files

So have any of you ever seen tears in your dad’s eyes?

Think about that. And then think about whether you’d like to or not.

I haven’t decided.

My head hurts, and my eyes are burning. I think I’ll go to bed.

Sometimes I feel so useless. People close to me are struggling with things, especially things I can’t relate to, and I am completely useless at helping them get past it. It gets me frustrated, because I always want to give advice, correct mistakes, or work through issues and have them be worked through once and for all.

I once complained to Peter about this feeling, about how helpless I felt and how “All I can do is pray – GRR!” He calmly reminded me that there is nothing greater anyone CAN do. I try to remember that, but it’s not my strongest point.

Anyway because I’m impatient when it comes to solving peoples’ issues, I want to sit down, have an intense talk and/or take my friends by the shoulders and shake them really hard, and fix them.

Which brought to mind this song. It’s Coldplay, as if you didn’t know.

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When you try your best but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you’re too in love to let it go
But if you never try you’ll never know
Just what you’re worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream, down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I..

Tears stream, down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I..

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

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Hopefully I get better at NOT trying to “fix you”.

94 days, 1 hr, 25 min and 35 seconds

So not much is happening…I mean, tons of stuff is happening – but you know how life sometimes gets to be so busy that you feel like you can’t remember what was happening two days ago? So in that sense it seems like not much is happening.

Tonight I stayed home. I had a beer with my parents, had a nice dinner, talked about a lot of things, Ryan and Brittni made fun of me. (A lot – they always do that. They’re actually really mean to me. For some reason I think it’s entertaining.) Then I watched House and now I’m here. I was going to do some research about some stuff on the internet, but I can’t remember what it was, so much for that. I was going to go to bed early. If I stop right now and make a mad dash for bed, I might still make it before 11…!

This afternoon I was driving back to work after a quick “lunchbreak” shopping trip to the mall and lo and behold I saw a familiar face on the corner of Lakeshore and Brant Street – she didn’t see me and I couldn’t honk because of the traffic, but there was Laurs, waiting for the light with some kind of summery Starbucks drink and some sketchbooks or journals or something under her arm. I was really jealous. So anyway, hi Laura – isn’t it creepy that you were watched and you’re just finding out about it now???

Today, the light in our microwave burned out. For the first time in the, oh, 24 years my family has owned this microwave (cringe, but we all have a normal amount of fingers and toes – and in my memory it’s only broken ONCE) there’s no friendly light shining warmly on my defrosting lunch buns or reheating spaghetti sauce. I told Ryan that my childhood is now officially over.

But we both agreed that, on the plus side, you can now use the microwave as a mirror even while it’s going…which is cool, because for some reason the microwave always makes you look really good. I think it’s because you can see yourself, but not well enough to notice anything bad. So farewell childhood, hello hotter self-image.

Have a great Wednesday tomorrow, people. Only two more days of work for me…and then I’m going away for the weekend…woohoo!!!

94 days, 1 hour, 11 minutes, 20 seconds

So all day today I’ve been thinking “woohoo, ony 99 days till the wedding!” And then I think of 99 Red Balloons, and it runs through my head, so the theme of today is officially awesome old songs with German words that I can sing without even understanding.

Had a quick meeting tonight over coffee (oops, not decaf, which is why I am updating my blog at 11pm) with our photographer, Anne-Marie Colenbrander (her company is called Eye Spy Photography). She hasn’t even taken our pictures yet and I think she’s awesome. I would link y’all to her website but for some reason the only link I have leads to a totally different website. Oh well. If you want, check out Sarah’s blog and find wedding pictures…same photographer.

Tomorrow’s Friday!!